The animals are taking over

Yesterday morning, in mad preparation for the appraiser, I flew around the house semi-cleaning, picking up wind-scattered Christmas decorations from the front yard and an effing mound of dog poop from the back yard. Then I vacuumed giant tumbleweeds of cat fur from the living room as there had apparently been a wrestling match overnight and the long haired fellow, Leopold, lost. (Yes, I know an appraisal deals with structural stuff, but really, I didn't want to risk prejudicing him by having the house look as if I gave a rat's ass about it.)

For days now I've been battling Evita in a game of "what ELSE can i hide your medicine in so you'll actually take it instead of gumming it to death until it's too soggy to try to give to you again, making me want to cry as I tally up how much the wasted pills cost me." For a while the winner was cheese slices, then turkey slices and since returning from the boy's place where she was introduced them the most reliable (though not 100% foolproof) is smoked ham slices. Glad to have found something that works, but jeezy creezy, her doggie farts are burning my eyes. She is snoring happily away under the table where I'm typing right now and I have my shirt pulled up over my nose.

So now onto why I'm posting at such a ridiculous hour. Seems my schedule is completely wonky from being up uber late for work this week and because I'm still awake I heard the afore-mentioned Leo cat hacking on the same damn hairball he's been wheezing on since before Christmas. So I decided to jump up and finally try to give him the cat laxative gel that the vet gave me last week. (Yes, cat laxative...do you question why I was reluctant to give it to him?) Both the vet and the instructions on the box said quite nonchalantly to 'place a dab on the nose for the cat to lick off'. So I dabbed. He squirmed and the dollop of gooey grossness (it looks like burn ointment, by the way) smeared into his belly fur. I immobilized him and attempted to clean said fur, but the the laxative made an instant matt (sp?) and I ended up having to cut the clump out. My second attempt in administering the laxative was successful but no less comical. He's a small cat, but he tried mightily to avoid contact with me. In the end I grabbed him, slipped my finger inside his lips and smeared the stuff over his teeth. Had to do it twice for the appropriate dose. He ran away as soon as I let him go and is still in the corner cleaning the residue from his face and body.

I myself had to scrub my hands twice to get it out from under my nails. It didn't exactly smell like sunshine and daisies.

And with that, I'm going to pull a Michael Crichton ending and just cut this off here. My eyes are heavy and I'm going straight to bed in the hopes my body really means to fall asleep now.

Good night. Meow Meow. Woof woof.