walking the tightrope

i've gone out on a limb with something. upon the reassurance of a most unlikely individual, i have opened communication again with my husband. i needed to...the separation is painful enough...and while no contact was good for a while, as was the anger, it's not like me. not anymore. it was eating me inside. i needed to get rid of it. and i needed to reach out and see if anything of my friend was still there.

and i also need to be able to look back someday without regrets, without wondering if i let my pride get in the way. so i made it clear the door is still open. i don't want a divorce. i never did. and i won't file or be part of a joint filing either. it has to be his decision, his full action, his responsibility.

it was hard, but good, to talk again and to be in his presence. the first time in months i have felt that way. i still hope, i still pray...for patience, for forgiveness, for both of us.