5 posts tagged “flowers”
With a twinge of unhealthy satisfaction, I read that my ex-husband lost his bid for city council back home. The emotions are complicated...a split second moment of imagination wondered if he might reach out to me in his loss, just as I remarked in my head that his photo in the paper didn't look very attractive. I recognized his resigned expression though...if he'd put half of the energy of his political efforts into our marriage...but that's neither here nor there now, and really, I suppose he could say the same about me. What is the saying? That truth only exists in the moment...once it is observed and retold, it is no longer the truth but just a story of what the truth might have been.
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I have always loved the scent and taste of honeysuckle. I remember picking the flowers from the playground walls and sucking out the stems when I was only in first grade. I've been using a honeysuckle perfume from Whole Foods for the last year. And my favorite part of the neighborhood is the long fenceline of the property behind my house, along the road, that blooms with yellow and white honeysuckle in the spring. Sometimes the scent is heavy on the air and sometimes you just catch it lightly on the breeze and can't tell where it's coming from. It always seems to lift my spirits, relax me, and make me feel...clean and pretty and just better. I thought it was just something I liked, but I read recently that honeysuckle is purported to have medicinal properties for relieving tension and clearing the mind. I went out and purchased some Bach's Honeysuckle Flower Essence and now I try to drink a couple of drops everyday, and have been doing so for a couple of months. I left it at home on my trip to Nashville and now I'm curious if that might have had something to do with my melancholy.
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The little dog bite on my hand is healing, but it's ugly and it looks like it's going to leave a scar. I've started dressing it with lavendar oil in the hope that the scar will fade even as it's forming. In much the same way, my honeysuckle, my triathlon training, my new habits and rituals, and my pointed breaking of those habits, are not just a means of keeping busy, but a way of fading the inevitable scars that are forming over heart and mind. I know they're there...I think sometimes that I've escaped without them, and then I read about my ex in the paper and a little smirk of satisfaction drips into my soul, and I realize I'm not getting off that easy.
My girlfriends Annalisa and Vanessa sent me some lovely flowers on Monday to further brighten my day. They're just so pretty I had to bust out the camera and save them for posterity.
I thought the little faux bird was actually quite cute--I didn't even see him at first!
Yesterday a friend came over to fix my mower and help me tackle the yard for the first time this spring. Normally I can handle it on my own, but rain and warm weather led to a bit of a back yard jungle. So we worked for about 4 hours: pulling weeds, trimming, edging, and cleaning up in general...he even hacked apart the Christmas tree I'd left to shrivel up in the back yard back in January. (I know, I know...at least I took my lights down early, ok?) And when we were done, voila, a beautifully manicured, lush, (mostly) green oasis emerged.
So today after going to mass, I took myself outside to have some cereal and do some computer work in the sun, glare and all. The heat climbed a bit and I decided to slap on my bikini and lay out for a little while. I had a wonderful long chat with my grandma on the phone that ended abruptly when my dangling feet collided with a bee. After a moment to grab an ice cube I ran to my neighbors' for some bendadryl...about 20 minutes later, back out in the yard and reading my romance novel, I fell asleep. Dead asleep. So asleep that when I woke up I found that one of the dogs, Goldie, had grabbed my cell phone from right under my nose and taken it out into the grass by the trees. I'd been asleep for over an hour! The cell phone is fine, but my whole backside is burnt to a vivid lobster red. So much for dodging that skin cancer bullet. (However, I do wear a 30 SPF minimum on my face and I don't even have a hint of a tan there from my little nap.)
I used the rest of the day's light to head to the Kyle HEB for some colorful plants and flowers. They have an excellent selection of drought hardy varieties and I eventually--after roaming the "Texas Backyard" section for an hour--picked a few, including an orange honeysuckle plant, for the planter area near the 'robots' in the front yard.(The robots are the utility boxes of various shapes and sizes that, for some reason, are planted smack in the middle of everyone's front yards in my neighborhood. The builders said the city made them do it, but I don't see that anywhere else in Kyle. All of the residents, myself included, make valiant but futile efforts at hiding them with islands of shrubs and blooms.) Made it home with just enough light to plant my lovelies in the ground and hang out with Evita at dusk.
All in all, it was a lovely Sunday, and just what I needed to prepare my mind and spirit for the morning...I'm heading to court at 9 a.m. My understanding is that by this time tomorrow I will have been several hours divorced. We're both going to be there, but it should all just be a formality because our decree has basically been finalized. I'm glad to be so near what everyone tells me will bring some closure to all of this, and yet...
I guess I just want to get through the day. I'm glad I'll have to head to work as soon as it's done...and I'm glad for a lovely home to come back to and animals to greet me when I walk in the door, with good friends just a stone's throw away, and a whole lifetime of possibilities still ahead for a much more hopeful, joyful me. Sigh. My grandmother told me that she prays every day for my cousin Michelle and me, for us to be happy and to heal, and for our "marriages that were blessed by God but destroyed by man." I think it's a good sign that the writer in me thrilled to the poetry in that language as much as the romantic in me was touched by the sorrow in its tone. Let's accentuate the positive, shall we?
remember those signs of hope? they're still around. they tiptoe up out of the earth and shine through as the north star in the night. these are of the earth-bound kind.
this is just one of my bougainvillea. (a word i like both to look at and say--a five dollar word you might call it. say it with me now: boug-ain-vill-ea.) dried up and depressing to look at just days after their arrival, they have been gloriously revived. plucky little things, aren't they? and pretty too. almost makes you want to hum a little tune or whisper some thank yous to the breeze.
the breeze itself is another thing to be thankful for right now. alas, the summer heat has fallen on austin like an old, wet mop. splat. not exactly a pretty metaphor, but it fits. it felt like 90 degrees at 2 am this morning. i know because i was out and about. unusual for me to be out that late, but my little brother was in town and i had the opportunity to sit and talk and just listen with friends who've been missing for a little while and who i've missed. it was nice.
and then a drive home to walk evita under a starlit sky of deepest india ink. i think people should go walking in the middle of the night more often. the early morning too. that's when the world seems more solemn and joyful, more freeing and true, than any church or cathedral. and when you pray--whether out loud or just in your heart, whether you call it praying or just talking to yourself--you can almost hear, and almost feel, someone answering back.
to one who is far away: i bought a hisbiscus tree on friday...it was rather bedgraggled looking with yellow leaves and only one sad little blossom still holding on for dear life, but something about it seemed perfect to me (despite the fact i was told it was already half dead) and so i brought it home. soon after it was pounded by a terrible storm and lost even its one lone blossom. but i re-potted it the next day, protected it and supported it, and even gave it some good luck charms to reflect on (you can almost see them in the pot) and now look..and do you see all the other little buds just waiting for their turn to bloom? they must be waiting for something...
“Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5)
