3 posts tagged “tired”

I'm heading out of town this weekend and I realized late this evening that because I'm training the rest of the week, tonight was my only shot at running errands, shopping for snazzy duds, and trying to nail down a surprise I had planned. I just got home and I'm totally beat, but I still have at least 2 hours of work--for actual work--to do. Sigh. I think, though, that I may just try to go to bed right this second--or in a few minutes--and get up very early and head to the office. Yes, I think that may be a plan.

So what is my tired self choosing to do with her last precious seconds of lucidity? Post. Duh.

I took a slightly later lunch than most of the usual crowd today and in doing so was able to find an outside table. I sat for a while just looking out at the landscape around campus and onto the distant greenbelt. It was hot out, but because I was in the shade the warmth was wonderful--just right--and I thawed out while waiting for just the right words to come to mind.

And then I took my pen and paper and started to write.

I do this often now. I scribble and brainstorm and jot down epiphanies on the steering wheel while driving with my knees. If I don't write them down, the words either itch at the back of my brain or worse just disappear and I never have the chance to read them over and decide if they're keepers or just crap.

Don't get me wrong; a lot of it is crap. But it's the act that's important, the feel of pen in hand and the transfer of wispy thoughts into conceptual rambles that I can look back and laugh at when I come down from my little intellectual high.

Of course, I'm also doing more formal writing too. I'm working on two pieces now--not just the one on the romance novels, though I do have something to say about that in a minute, but also something that incorporates an essay I wrote about my ex's best friend, an Iraq vet who is a great guy, but scarred now like so many others. Since I haven't been in contact with him for over a year, I feel more comfortable in taking creative license and turning my non-fiction essay into short story fiction.

So I'm generally jazzed with writing now. And though content is all over the place--poetry, fiction, non-fiction, oh my--I'm enjoying stretching my literary legs.

And with that terrible analogy, I'll leave you with my lunchtime doodle.

strange, this sensation
this tickle at the back of my mind
this steady electric pulsing
honey on the tongue leaving me
breathless.
heat rising to a blush while
eyelashes flutter of their own accord.
feminine wiles appearing out of nowhere
straining to loose themselves

these are the opening days.
no high stakes, no drama
just teasings of things to come.
for now we are all lighthearted fascination
strumming the occasional chord of memory
building on the intrigue.
"you're a mystery."
"so are you."

i wonder what you will feel like
look like
taste like.

i wonder if you will fit against my side
and in the space between...

heavy silence for a moment
then the glow of spark catching flame.
the lightning dances across my skin
and down my spine again
leaving my senses humming
and my eyes alight.

[Yes, that's right. I said alight. Perhaps that was just the hunger talking? Methinks not. That romance novel post will have to wait. I'm practically falling off my chair...sleep wins over posting.]

I've been a little out of it the last couple of days...even last night as I was posting...I think I may have had a bit of a reaction to the tetanus shot. I've been really tired and a bit feverish--just a slight fever--but I don't feel bad otherwise. I decided not to run tonight to rest up and I am truly going to bed early as soon as I'm done with this little note.

I do need to get some miles in this week though. I haven't run since Saturday. Maybe I'll run after swimming tomorrow.I feel really good in the water now and I'm looking forward to it. I do wish the water at this pool were warmer though. Oh, and I'm really excited because I get to pick up my bike from the shop tomorrow, which means I'll finally be able to join the Saturday morning bike ride.

In other mundane news, I have misplaced/lost my Debit card. I looked for it for a good hour today, and I looked everywhere I could think of and even went through the outside trash can, but it didn't turn up. I should just mark it lost, but I know that the second I do and request a new card, I'll find the old one. It is the way of things.

Now that the financial dust is settling, it is time to look for a random job just lucrative enough to cover those student loans that I am finally going to begin making full payments on in June. I'm even considering looking for a retail position--I've never worked retail, or waitressed either, and while I hear they're shitty jobs at times, part of me wants to have those experiences under my belt, if for no other reason than for my filling out my writer's toolbox.

That's all the rambling I have in me today. Goodnight.

dear lord, i have had double teas and coffees all day and have resorted to eating crap loaded with sugar to try to stay awake. (my stomach is not pleased with me.) i have GOT to do something about my sleep schedule. it occurred to me this morning that it has been over a month since i started this job and my clock is still way out of whack. i thought it was just because i was having to wake up earlier, but now i recognize this for what it is...insomnia. again. ugh.

i'm going to sleep between 3 and 4 and waking between 6 and 7:30. even on the weekends, that only increases by an hour or two and only on friday night. i think that, come hell or high water, tonight i am going to trying to knock myself out early in the hopes of getting on track. i have 4 little ambien pills left, of the 5 that were prescribed to me, and so i have 4 nights to try to reset my clock.

of course, i could just wait for it to pass. it always does. or at least, it always has, but it could be another month or even more and i just don't think i have the stamina for that right now. i need to be rested. i need to be sharp so i can keep track of the many projects at work and in my consulting business that need to get done. i'm just not with it, not without a hell of a lot of effort anyway.

i have something to confess. twice now, yesterday and today, i fell asleep on the way to work while waiting at a red light. i know, i know. bad show. luckily i jerked awake when my foot started to relax off the pedal, but wow, that could have gone badly, eh? interestingly, it was the same light on both days. it's the second to the last light before my office too. wouldn't it brilliant of me to slowly coast into some exec's rear end just a block away from the building? sheesh.

well, i'm off to finish some consulting work and then to drug myself to sleep. i'm going to add some Sleepytime tea into the mix (they have a new version out with valerian root...mmm i love that stuff) just in case i need a little more help than ambien can give. but hey, does anyone know if there are any interactions between valerian root and ambien? i guess i shall have to make a visit to webmd before bed.