Vices are on the mind this morning...what I like, what I want v. what is good for me. Sometimes they intersect or divert without confusion. Other times though, these times, they race side by side and dance around eachother, intertwining in an upward spiral. I feel a devilish smile and wonder why it all has to hurt so good.

Listening to Rufus' Poses (hence the title above) and waking up for the day. Had a delicious sleep last night--in bed by 11 and drifting not long after hanging up the phone, then up before the alarm this morning and out to see the light breaking across the neighbors'  treeline. It's one of these mornings that make me quiet inside, that serves up my blessings--like health and sanity and tear-free nights--with a side of juniper-and-rain scented breezes and the urge to write under a cloudy sky.

I re-read a number of old posts last night...was clicking on my tags, looking for one quote in particular, and found some other pieces that blew me away. My heart sliced open for you all to see, and caution thrown mostly to the wind. It's been beautiful and now I have this journal to look back on and find the milestones..."look, mile marker 311, we're halfway there." How very far I've come...not just over the last year, but overall. If I could tell my fifteen year old self just one thing, I would advise her to be patient, "You're really going to like where this is going."

With each day my mind and body seem to be coming into closer sync. I'm creative and analytical, planning ahead and nudging diplomatically for movement, improvement, change in all areas; I write, I sing, and I grow stronger, captain of my own form once again, like Tracy in The Philadelphia Story, I "have a disciplined body that does what [I] tell it."

That line is from a scene where Tracy's father takes her perfect self to task. He's rather blunt and cruel with his opinion of her. 

"You have a good mind,
a pretty face...
a disciplined body that does
what you tell it.

You have everything it takes to make
a lovely woman except the one essential.
An understanding heart.

Without that, you might as well
be made of bronze."

I've always focused on the 'disciplined body' line, marvelling at how well that seemed to describe Hepburn and wishing that I could be, if not completely, just a little bit like her. But now looking at the lines all together I see a total picture of who I'd like to be, and a warning in the memory. I didn't just lack the disciplined body before, but perhaps, at times, the understanding heart as well.

And I realize now, with some wonder and humility (even as I seem to boast of it), that I seem to have it all.

Well, perhaps not all...but if I all I have to complain about is allergies and a shared understanding for Nora Ephron's famous lament, I'm more than willing to carry the load.

And now for a glass of chocolate milk...

01 Cigarettes And Chocolate Milk

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A day of working from home is almost over. I quieted my hunger (a little) with a yummy bowl of oatmeal. The weather is springy today and should be summery tomorrow--breezy, warm, and perfect for going out on the town. I should be very cheery, but I'm feeling a bit blue...or maybe just tired...but the feeling drove me to sit down and scribble a bit of a journal out and so here I am.

I had planned to try to finish this other project for my consulting gig in the next few hours so I could try to get into Austin by about 9, but right now I'd rather put my pjs on and just relax for a bit before starting to work again, only that will put me behind on finishing the project. What to do, what to do...

PJs are totally winning out. I'd have to be home early anyway. Plus, I did want to try running again tonight, but...ugh, I'm so tired. Of course, tomorrow I'm taking a half day from work to watch a co-worker's band and then intend to stay downtown anyway, and there's no way in hell I'm going to work a run in then, so I suppose it all works out. PJs now, work, run tonight, sleep.

I would also like to get a pizza from Papa Murphy's and eat the entire thing tonight, but I think that is a bad idea from a nutritional perspective. In this lead up to the Cap 10k, and other events I still haven't decided on, I'm trying especially hard to eat really well. I wouldn't call it a diet, but I am definitely wearing a nutritionist hat lately and eyeing everything through a pie chart of fats, carbs, and proteins. The other issue is that I am trying to stay hydrated, so I'm drinking water like it's my job and hitting the ladies room with corresponding frequency.

My apologies for the inane details. I actually do have topics of substance to write about, but I'm just not up to the task right now. Maybe I'll tackle those things on Monday in a sort of weekend-in-review post. 

One new development I'm not too tired to mention...I have started doing yoga in the morning first thing when I wake up. It may sound a little strange, but I like to do it in my master bathroom (which I keep very clean and is of a decent size) where the window faces east and the light increases with the sunrise. I don't put my contacts in or wear my glasses, but instead just run through my routine in semi-blindess. This sensory deprivation seems to make it easier for me to focus and to relax at the same time. It's very curious, but it works wonders for me. So far this week, the thought that I can do some yoga if I can get up in time is what has actually moved me out of my bed on time. Yes, I'm actually getting comfortable with yoga and not feeling like I want to cry when I do it. Of course, my morning routine is very simple and the poses are very modified, but I am looking forward to learning more as soon as I can. Thank you again to electric firefly and shush now for their encouragement a while back.

Ok, well that's all for now. SXSW will have to wait for tomorrow. And since I don't want to cook, I think Papa Murphy's is going to get some of my money in just a little while. I'm not actually going to eat the whole thing tonight though--if I did, I'd miss out on my other favorite way to start the day...cold pizza right out of the 'fridge!

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